When You Are Dating When You Are Married
Farting is never an issue - You make sure there’s nothing flammable near your husband…… at all times.
He takes you out to have a good time - He brings home a 6 pack and says, “What are you going to drink?”
He holds your hand in public - He flicks your ear in public.
A Single bed for 2 isn’t THAT bad - A King size bed feels like an Army cot.
You are turned on at the sight of him naked - You think to yourself…. “Was he ALWAYS this hairy????”
You enjoyed foreplay - You tell him “If we have sex, will you leave me alone???”
He hugs you, when he walks by you for no reason - He grabs your boob any chance he gets.
You picture the two of you together, growing old - You wonder who will die first.
Just looking at him makes you feel all “mushy” - When you look at him, you want to claw his eyes out.
He knows what the “hamper” is - The floor will suffice as a dirty clothes storage area.
He understands if you “aren’t in the mood” - He says, “It’s your job.”
He understands that you have “male” friends - He thinks they are all out to steal you away.
He likes to “discuss” things - He develops a “blank” stare.
He calls you by name - He calls you “Hey” and refers to you when speaking to others as “She.”