“Give me a sentence about a public servant,” said a teacher. The small boy wrote: “The fireman came down the ladder pregnant.”
The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. “Don’t you know what pregnant means?” she asked. “Sure,” said the young boy confidently. “It means carrying a child.”

 ——————————————————————————————-

I’m not saying our new receptionist is dumb, but this is how she filled out her insurance forms:

Date of Birth: January 12, 1978

Weight: 6 pounds, 10 ounces

Height: 20 inches
 
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _ Read more…

A new blonde employee calls the Help Desk to complain that
there’s something wrong with her password. No, it’s not the usual
caps-lock problem.

“The problem is that whenever I type the password, it just shows
stars,” she says.

“Those asterisks are to protect you,” the Help Desk technician
explains, “so if someone were standing behind you, they wouldn’t be
able to read your password.”
“Yeah,” she says, “but they show up even when there is no one
standing behind me.” Read more…

Poisonous BRA — coBRA

Mathemetical BRA—- algeBRA

striped BRA—- zeBRA Read more…

1   A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after 
   Every 10 sec a 
   woman gives birth to a kid. 
   A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.  Read more…

A grade school teacher in Tennessee asked her students to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad’s farm, and we all saw his sheep. It was fascinating. ” The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate, not fascinating.

” Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to Graceland and I was fascinated.” The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate, not fascinated.”

Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word ‘fascinate’, so she called on him.

Little Johnny said, “My Aunt has a sweater with nine buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight.”

The teacher cried.
 ——————————————————————————————-

- Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turned to the other and said: “Slim, I’m 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?”

Slim said, “I feel j ust like a newborn baby.”
“Really? Like a newborn baby?”
“Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.”

The Maid asked for a pay raise.
Madam was very upset about this and asked:
-’Now Maria, why do you want an increase?’
-Maria: ‘Well Madam, there are three reasons why I want an increase.

The first is that I iron better than you .
-’ Madam: ‘Who said you iron better than me?
-’Maria: ‘The Master said so.
-’Madam: ‘Oh. Read more…

The wife says: You want
The wife means: You want

The wife says: We need
The wife means: I want

The wife says: It’s your decision
The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious

The wife says: Do what you want
The wife means: You’ll pay for this later

The wife says: We need to talk
The wife means: I need to complain

The wife says: Sure… go ahead
The wife means: I don’t want you to Read more…

Lufthansa Airlines :-                                                                      

 Passengers on a Lufthansa flight heard this announcement from the captain:”Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we have   lost power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean”. 
The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation but were  somewhat comforted by the captain’s next Announcement.   
                                                                  
 ”Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Lufthansa have prepared for such an emergency and we would now like you to rearrange your seating so that  all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane and all the  swimmers are on the right side of the Lane.
After the announcement all the passengers rearranged their seating to comply with the captain’s request. 
                             
 Two minutes later the captain made a belly landing in the ocean. The captain once again made an announcement:   
                      
 ”Ladies and Gentlemen we have crashed into the ocean. All of the swimmers on the right side of the plane open your emergency exits and quickly swim away from the plane.                                         
 For all of the non-swimmers on the left side of plane… -Thank You for Flying Lufthansa-  Read more…

Young Man: Sir, may I know the time, please?
Old Man: Certainly not.
Young Man: Sir, but why? What are you going to lose,if you tell me the time?
Old Man: Yes, I may lose something if I tell you the time.

Young Man: But Sir, can you tell me how?
Old Man : See, if I tell you the time you will definitely thank me and may be tomorrow again you will ask me the time.
Young Man: Quite possible.
Old Man: May be we meet two three times more and you will ask my name and address. Young Man: Quite possible. Read more…

Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day. Read more…