Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day. Read more…
1) 5 lovly words-”i’ll top my class
4 pleasant words-’I'll work hard”
3 sweet words-”i luv studyin”
2 spl words-”my books”
1 imp word-”LATER” …
2) Dis ones awesome!
How wud an angrez tel an indian naukar who cant undrstnd english 2 open d
door.
Speak Dis very fast.
“There was a Cold Day”… Read more…
–An Ant saw strawberry juice & shouted: “Aaaah at last I visited
the red sea!!!!”
–Two cockroaches were admitted in ICU,
The first Cockroach asked: “Raid???”
The second Cockroach replied: “No, Shoe!!!”
–An NRI sent a blank sms to his wife, why?
He didn’t want to talk to her!!!
– A man hit his brand new car in to the wall, why?
He wanted to test whether the airbags are working!!! Read more…
Naa ye CHEMISTRY hoti, na me STUDENT hota Na wo LAB hoti, na wo LOVE ACCIDENT hota .Tabhi PRACTICAL ke waqt nazar aayi ek ladki khubsurat si naak uski TEST TUBE jaisi
Uski baaton me GLUCOSE ki mithas thi ETHYL ALCOHOL si thandi uski saans thi .Andhere me wo RADIUM ki tarah chamakti thi jab aankh mili to REACTION hua,love ka PRODUCTION hua! Read more…
You Know You Overdid Thanksgiving When….
Paramedics bring in the Jaws of Life to pry you out of the EZ-Boy.
The “Gravy Boat” your wife set out was a real 12′ boat!
You receive a Sumo Wrestler application in your e-mail.
Friday you set off 3 earthquake seismographs on your morning jog.
Pricking your finger for cholesterol screening only yielded gravy.
A guest quotes a Biblical passage from “The Feeding of the 5000.”
That rash on your stomach turns out to be steering wheel burn.
Representatives from the Butterball Hall of Fame called twice.
You consider gluttony your patriotic duty.
Your arms are too short to reach the keyboard & delete this.
FISHERMAN
Wife wanted, must be able to dig, clean, cook worms and clean fish. Must
have own boat with motor. Please send photograph of motorboat.
SALESMAN
Once in a lifetime offer, to get yourself the original, genuine article.One
of the most handsome and smartest bachelor’s around is now looking for a
wife.
MATHEMATICIAN
Wife required to complete the formula of my life. Must be numerate and
understand complex algebraic logarithms. Needed to help further my family
unit.
IT CONSULTANT
Well there is definite room for improvement in my life. The speed of my
current flows of information and processes is slowing down and the
injection of a wife into my life is bound to improve efficiency.
Compatibility could be an issue. Read more…
Peter called his doctor’s office for an appointment.
“I’m sorry,” said the receptionist, “we can’t fit you in for at least two weeks.”
“But I could be dead by then!”
“No problem. If your wife lets us know, we’ll cancel the appointment. ”
==========
Patient: Nurse, I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes.
Nurse: Have you seen a doctor?
Patient: No, just spots.
Read more…
-Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
-Man who run in front of car get tyred.
-Man who run behind car get exhausted.
-Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
-Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
-Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
-Man with one chopstick go hungry.
-Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
-Man who eat many prunes get good run for money. Read more…
Santa and Banta decide to apply for jobs at a mine that had opened nearby. After sitting in the waiting room for a while, Banta gets called in for his interview. The boss asks Banta if he had worked underground mines before? Banta says that he had.
The boss asks him how deep under ground he worked? Banta says, “Oh, about 8 to 10 feet.” The boss says, “Mines are a lot deeper than that, get out of here - you’re no miner!” Read more…
1) How long did the Hundred Years’ War last?
2) Which country makes Panama hats?
3) From which animal do we get cat gut?
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
5) What is a camel’s hair brush made of? Read more…